After my personal tutorial with Marcella today I came away with small edits to make to my script in order to achieve a potential final draft. We spoke about making it clear what Rufus’ occupation was (as the groundskeeper and funeral director) and how it was difficult to raise awareness of it without detracting from the story the character goes through. In the end I decided to place in a small number of visual references to his job within the opening montage, things such as a busy business schedule calendar on the wall and him filling in undisclosed business documents in silence. I also included a small visual addition that communicates Death’s power more clearly on-screen, in the form of him placing down a rose on a tombstone (mirroring what Rufus does earlier) only to have it shrivel at his touch and snap as he places it down. As well as being an interesting visual I also think it serves an important purpose within the story as it not only showcases his powers that come into play during the resolution, but also communicates his guilt and sadness towards the death of Rufus’ wife.

 

With these two additions I feel that, apart from checking over structure and spelling, my script may be complete for the submission deadline.

Unfortunately Marcella was absent from our feedback workshop due to illness, but today she was able to send me some feedback over email. In particular she raised questions about Rufus’ job occupation (something that I had attempted to allude to before) – she found it unclear what Rufus’ role within the cemetery was, however I believe that even though I can see where the criticism is coming from, I feel as though going into any more detail on it within the script would distract from the overall plot somewhat.

Another question raised was that of the young boy’s mother (Sarah) walking into Rufus’ bedroom as he’s breaking down – this is something that I agreed would have been odd so I tried to make it more believable by editing Sarah’s dialogue within the scene as realism within this point in particular is crucial to making the plot work.

This week after receiving peer assessment from Maria on my script I found it difficult to begin work on my follow-up draft. This was mostly due to the fact that the majority of the feedback was positive apart from a small issue with character intentions (Rufus feeling guilt towards the deceased young boy over his jealousy of death). To fix this I expanded some solo dialogue for Rufus after the boy’s funeral – but not too much as a lot of the character intentions and goals I want to be hinted at but never shown – this way it will allow readers to find things out for themselves. For example, Rufus’ oncoming death is hinted at throughout the script in the form of his worsening health (his coughs in particular), the idea of Death taking Rufus’ wife away is also never fully explained but it strongly hinted at (especially within the climax) – it’s moments like these that I feel add layers to the script and help me to create a lasting story.

Working on the first draft for my script I continued to research into Rufus’ character by determining his role within the cemetery. In my mind his cemetery is within a small village, allowing him to act as the groundskeeper, funeral director and tenant all at the same time – something that’s rather difficult to show visually within the script. I decided the best way to portray this would be to have him filling out various pieces of paperwork in addition to his arranging of a funeral (integral to the plot of the short) which could play into his daily routine montage which would then, in turn help the idea of his monotonous, day-to-day routine.

 

Because I wished for my script to maintain a melancholy, yet slightly comedic tone, I wrote whilst listening to songs featured within a show that I feel pulls off the emotional moments well – NBC/ABC’s ‘Scrubs’, including:

Coldplay | Everything’s Not Lost

Peter Gabriel | The Book of Love

Joshua Radin | Winter

 

Today I received some feedback from my script step-outline, and although plot-wise it remained positive, it informed me that maybe some of the scene’s intentions may have not been clear in the overall character arc of Rufus. As this was the last workshop for a week, the next thing I will be handing in is the first draft of my script – quite a step up from my step outline (although I included too much detail within the outline itself so essentially dialogue is what’s mainly missing). When trying to imagine the voice for my characters however they both seem to come across as quiet, whereas Rufus’ is a world-weary and stern quiet, Death’s seems to be more of a shyness and perhaps a timidity, though this may be difficult to convey onscreen as it could come across as the both of them are simply quiet in their own right. With this in mind, I decided to try and do a dialogue exercise where I write a useless scene of both Death and Rufus conversing between each other about anything. This will help me find the voices for both characters before I start my first draft, and may even change the way the characters interact with each other.

Death: Why have you never asked how I’m able to eat?

Rufus: It’s not polite to ask stuff like that, is it?

Death: Well the image of me out in society kind of paints the image that I shouldn’t be able to, technically it should fall straight on the floor-

Rufus: Well technically it paints the image that you shouldn’t have hair either so I think this image needs a bit more research *They both chuckle* … I’ve never been one to follow the images painted of people.

Death: Well you’re a bit out of touch with society in general so…

Rufus: I don’t need it.

Death: I’m not saying you do, I’m just saying that as a man who’s deliberately isolating himself you can’t then hold yourself to a higher ranking-

Rufus: I’m not above anyone! I’m just how I am.

Death: …well aren’t you stoic.

*Rufus Chuckles*

Rufus: You know if I could I’d punch you for that.

Death: Why do you think I do it?

The playful back and forth between them is nicely light-hearted and would contrast well with the dark and mundane themes present within the rest of the script. It could be used as a nice break between the more serious moments.